The inability to let go…

Is any parent truly ready for their children to grow up? We say that we are , but do we really mean it? Our kids hear the, “I can’t wait until you start working, start driving, go to college so you can see what real responsibility is about…” We heard the same things from our parents,and as funny as it seems looking back, it hurts to see them grow up. I guess I am a sappy mama. I’m a frugal mama, however I am one of those cry when you take your first photo, when you say a certain word in a certain way, cry at the drop of a  straw hat sensitive kind of mama. I can’t help it, my kids make me feel some kinda way, especially when those milestones surface. I have a pair , a boy and a girl who are 7 whole years apart. The boy is 12 and in true preteen fashion thinks I am corny and “uncool.” Like all young men his age, he gets embarrassed of me when try I to kiss him in front of his friends, or use lovey nicknames that he no longer answers to. I am floored because to me, my kids are still small “little munchkins”, and they are supposed to  want their mommy to do all those syrupy, mushy things, after all “I’m a mom!”

These feelings muster inside of me daily, but what prompted this post was seeing a notification in my local newspaper informing parents of the upcoming kindergarten enrollment times. My daughter graduates from preschool in June and I knew this was coming, but so soon? Next month her dad and I must sign her up officially for regular school ? I immediately started crying, not a full out boo hoo cry, yet tears were flowing and i was overcome with emotion. As I write this , I want to cry! I just had this little person less than 5 years ago and I have to now release her to real elementary school? It’s crazy how one alert , one important milestone can change your perspective on things , or evoke wild emotions that sometimes a mother can not handle. I don’t want her to grow up, yet I applauded her like a cheerleader for walking at 9 months old, saying her first words shortly thereafter and her prowess with her older brother and cousins. I guess I am a swinging pendulum, embracing the changes and wanting to hold on to them. When I see parents pushing  little babies in strollers I tell them, “I wish my kids can shrink back to that size, enjoy your baby, take lots of pictures!” I guess that’s the inability to let go, while tying a pair of little shoelaces.

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