Long time, yet I’m okay!

I hate to admit but it’s been over two months since I’ve written anything or paid any attention to this web page or site. This is what happens when a loved one passes away. Somehow my desire to publish anything on this page in particular died with my dad. Now I am back, something told me to open up my laptop and go to WordPress, perhaps it was my daddy? My father passed away last month on July 8th and me just typing that has caused my eyes to swell up with tears, painful tears that have just fully rolled down my cheeks. Perhaps this is my therapy along with the glass of red wine that is perched beside me on my nightstand. It has been a tough time. I am the middle daughter of five of his children, the only writer so yes, this is my therapy. My escape through grief and sorrow. As a person who writes, I didn’t totally put my pen down during this trying period. In fact the very day he left us, inside the hospital room where he laid lifeless I penned a poem in his honor. This poem, with some additions and a little editing was read by my cousin at my father’s funeral one week later. My feelings were raw, and everything just spewed out of me. The love and loss of a loved one, especially a parent is real! It is still to this moment unbelievable and definitely life changing! I never fathomed I’d be this strong ,this cautious, this vulnerable, but I love it. It’s a me that I enjoy getting to know and I am certain that my dad has a piece in this introduction. I never wanted to stop writing on my page, I was and am in the process of learning how to make it better, how to add pictures and and am transforming what I want it to look like, what I want it to convey and how I want to present to my audience. These things take time, thought, and focus and I wasn’t mentally, physically, or spiritually into putting that energy out. The loss of someone and truly swallowing that this has occurred takes time! It’s different for all of us and there’s no magic wand of how much time is required. I am just proud that I can discern my dad’s love and his spirit in my life even now that he’s gone! I am satisfied that I was able to connect with him before the awful Cancer overcame his body and was able to completely bond with him until the end. There is nothing like a father’s love for his daughter and regardless of my birth order I know my dad loved me to the core of his being. This is what helps me to soar, this is what helped me to open my laptop and tell the world I’m back and yes, I’m okay!

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